But it did something to me... and I don't even know what. All of the things I've been keeping locked up inside, hiding from... I stopped hiding. I think Dru stopped hiding too but it didn't do the same thing to her. She was hiding from something else all together.
As for me, well, I'm happier now. Things with Senedd are interesting but good. Telos shouldn't have been as unexpected as it was but yet again good.
No. There is only, really, one spot that catches me and makes me angry. And looking back through the pages of this book it shouldn't surprise anyone as to what who it is.
Pity? PITY? I swear, it makes me want to find him and kick his wolfy ass. I have felt a lot of things for Sestian over the years but pity has never been one of them. It just shows how much he doesn't understand me, how much he has an image of me in his head that isn't who I am at all.
I do love him. It took time to realize it. I do love him but he loves someone I am not and maybe have never been. And I don't love him the way he wants me to and I don't think he can see it. He never seems to really see me, he sees what he wants to see. He still does. I am not someone who should be put on a pillar. I am not someone who should be idolized.
So now he's going to run. He's going to go live in the darkness away from me and everyone else and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can do anything. I don't even know if I should. PITY? PITY?!
How can he say the only things he's done right are hunting and killing when he's never really tried anything else? DAMN HIM. All he wants it for me to be happy. Well, he's pissing me off. In fact, that's what's gotten in between us this entire time. He refuses to see his own worth to himself, the world and others - no matter how many different times or ways I tried to show it to him.
All I feel now is angry and used. Though I'm sure I'll feel the rest of it later, right now, I just feel angry and used. All I wanted was for him to want something for himself - not to try to base his life on me and what I want. I can't live for two people. I can barely live for myself at times.
You can show someone the light but you can't make them walk in it.