c_jyd (c_jyd) wrote in thoskschildren,

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Back at sea

I thought I loved the sea, being out so far from anywhere. When Alana asked how I am, I even said I was fine. I'm always honest... with her more so than anyone, and I meant it. In recent months I've found purpose, identity, even begun forging a place in the world for a monster note quite like any other.
And then we decided to go to sea, and I couldn't wait.

But then there's her, and there's the salted meat.

I love the crow's nest. I really do. I love the solitude, and the view. But that's also part of the problem. I'm running off by myself again, because people are starting to really smell like food. They aren't of course, not ever, but I haven't had anything that bleeds in almost a month now. Nothing with a heartbeat, nothing that I had to hunt and stalk. Fishing requires the boat to stop, requires fishing tackle, requires bait. And it requires the ability to take the living thing below decks to be eaten, instead of giving it over to the cook like the other fishers. Eating raw meat disturbs the sailors, and they're always about somewhere. Salted meat will just have to do until Alanna decides to set the anchor and stop for a while... not likely.
And all the rats go to her...

When I first found out about her, I was fascinated. She was to be this great thing. Something made to hunt and kill... and she is.
Therein lies the problem. She innately does everything I've ever done, everything I've worked and struggled so hard to be. And she isn't even full grown or anything like it yet. With casual ease, as a juvenile, she does everything for a game I've always tried to do with all the time I didn't spend learning magic, worshipping false idols, anything. And then she casts spells, or whatever they are, too, just empowering everything she already is.
I had thought perhaps, with enough work, with enough dedication, one of us mere mortals could somehow match up with the priests, the mages, the real monsters. I could buy with demons, dragons, things like that, I just wasn't good enough yet. She doesn't even have to try, rendering pretty much pointless everything I'd just found myself wanting to be. With that along, there's no point to my skills in this effort to 'save the world'. By the time she's ready, she'll be as quiet as I am, as good a hunter, as good a killer, and with all the magic too, and with just a few magicks from the Sithel, and a little bit of time to mature. And I can't learn any of it.

Why did I even come along? By the time we reach the southern continent I'll be obsolete, and people will still smell like food.
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